Bathroom Party

When you see a nice bathroom at college, you expect a group of freshmen who call themselves adults,who actually have the mind capacity of a teenager, to destroy it. These freshmen believe that it needs to be broken in so they feel slightly more comfortable, as if they were in their own little environment.

These freshmen have parties in the bathroom with no less than twenty people. It seems as though it was an extreme house party that had an exclusive VIP list at the entrance of the bathroom. You can tell who was at this insane get together because their names and their supposed street names are written everywhere you look including the toilets and the ceiling. After they write their names everywhere, they decide that they drank enough and need to show everyone how much urine that they have in their bladder. This particular breed of freshmen make bets to see who can reach the furthest urinal and fill it. More often than not, they completely miss and hit everything else but the destination point. Eventually, everyone is slipping and sliding in someone’s urine.

When the urinal bet gets old, which it always does, these people become overly excited when the first person starts to throw  toilet paper wads at the ceiling and walls. Then there is always that one dumb-ass in the group that decides that it would be hilarious to throw a paper wad at someone. As soon as this happens, a fight is expected. What starts as a joke ends in a destructive mess. The stalls are hanging from their hinges, the toilet lids are split in half, and the soap dispensers are cracked by someone’s back.

As if slipping on someone’s urine wasn’t enough, we are all now falling on top of soap puddles.

Just when you start to think the party is over, something else begins to happen. They’re stomachs are so full from dinner the night before and the pancakes they had for breakfast. They start to feel that grumble in their belly that tells them it’s about to blow. When they release their bowels and are relieved, they seem to feel accomplished by their massive turd. They are so proud of themselves that they want everyone in the entire school to see their work. Or maybe math class just made them so tired that they didn’t have the effort to flush.

When the party is over, everyone just goes about their ways and doesn’t speak of what had just happened. This is an extremely exclusive VIP bathroom party. Not even the President is invited.

Alissa Royle & Jordan Taft

bathroom party

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